Post by JeRegretRiens on Jan 4, 2009 16:06:57 GMT -5
This is really just a post about me, so there's no need to really look too critically at it for your own study. But if anyone's willing to play devil's advocate and come prod at me...have a read-through and tell me what you think.
I've also included the writing prompts that produced this enormous text-blob, so feel free to strip out my writing and use them for yourself if you'd like.
The writing prompts are taken from the boards at the Force Academy though, so I'm not claiming credit for those.
Also, I make clear my opinions on Christianity...I want to make it clear before anyone's feelings get hurt that it's my -opinion- on the religion. And not only is it just my opinion, it's my opinion on the religion itself, -not- the people who practice it. If anyone reading this practices a blend of Christianity with the Force...please do not get offended. I am not criticizing your path, just expressing that it is most definitely not the right path for ME.
Clearly define the Person You Want to Be
To quote directly from the essay, "Who exactly do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? What are your personal ideals? Whom do you admire? What are their special traits that you would make your own? It's time to stop being vague. If you wish to be an extraordinary person, if you wish to be wise, then you should explicitly identify the kind of person you aspire to become."
I've never really looked at anyone in particular and seriously said that I would want to be like them, or at least not a real person living in the real world. I suppose my one true hero is and has always been Frodo Baggins, the same as it has been since I first read the Lord of the Rings trilogy at aged approximately eight. He never tried to be anything more than he was, despite the drama forced upon him. He was a man who took his strength from his friends, without over-relying on them far enough to be co-dependent. He had time for fun, a big heart, and still he managed to do the things that life made nessicary for him to do. I suppose I've already taken some of that--I don't try to be the best at anything other than being the best -me-. But I've gotten derailed there because I'm not sure what that 'me' is, and you can't even be good at something unless you know what it is you're trying to do. I don't know how to strike that same balance that he struck--to handle the curveballs that life throws at me, to do what is necessary, and to still be myself. I find myself either too devoted to my job to have a life, too busy with my life to have a job, or some other mangled extreme.
I want to be the kind of person that can handle a personal crisis without sacrificing everything. I want to be able to help my friends with the things they ask for my help with, without being a puppet on a string jumping at their beck and call because they're afraid to live life on their own. I want to be the kind of person who can make friends that don't just take and take emotionally, to be the kind of person who isn't that kind of friend. I want to be the kind of person who has an herb garden on her kitchen windowsill, who cooks dinner from scratch almost every night because of the ecological and biological effects that processed and convenience food have on the environment. I want to be the kind of person who has a garden or an alotment, because it's the ethical thing to do with the kind of world we live in. I want to be a good wife for my partner, and I want to find out what that really means, because at the moment I'm honestly not sure, though making her happy is a big part of it. I don't want to have a large number of friends...I think gigantic entourages are stifling. But I want the friends I do have to be the kind of friends I can trust with my life. I want to be the kind of person that can trust, without being afraid of being hurt, without putting conditions on that trust. I want to be secure in myself, to stop having to put on masks to protect and shield myself, to stop filling my time with idle time-wasters because I am afraid of doing something worthwhile. I want to be the kind of person who can go to the pub, order a drink, and have some fun; without being terrified that spending my hard earned money on a pint makes me an alchoholic, that spending my time in such idle fun is somehow inherently wrong. I want to be the kind of person that can do something for fun and enjoy it, without being plagued by doubts and terrors that it's the wrong thing to do or somehow otherwise inherently BAD. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't hate children because they're noisy, and that's in direct conflict with the kind of person that I currently AM. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't get stressed, not for having planned for every eventuality, but because of faith and trust that everything will work out alright. I want to be the kind of person who can leap without looking and land on her feet just because of the strong belief that I will land on my feet eventually, no matter how many branches I hit on the way down. I want to be the kind of person who can see the clouds and get an umbrella -without- panicking about the coming rain. I want to feel safe and loved, without having to have people constantly reassure me of those facts. I'd like to say I'd like to be me, but I'm not me right now so I can't be myself. I want to FIND me so I can find out HOW.
Make a list of your non-negotiable beliefs. How did you find out what they were? Did you run into any questions or problems with this?
I believe that Christianity is wrong. I refuse to accept or acknowledge the supremacy of this vision of deity. I did make the attempt of believing the Christian way for nearly a year, but it's something I feel deeply in the core of my spirit is WRONG. The idea that it might be right terrifies me, but I am secure in the knowledge that it is -not-.
I believe that I have personal power, that my person is not so far preordained that I am a puppet. I have felt power, and I have felt power and refused to use it. I use my mind in ways that only I use my mind, and the only way for it to be preordained is if I have assisted in the pre-planning. But if I'd done that then I'd essentially have already lived and therefore I would no longer be me by virtue of experience. Not to mention the fact that if we all pre-lived to pre-plan our actions, what's the point? Was it a dress rehersal?
I believe that while I will indeed suffer for my misdeeds as appropriate for the action, I do not believe in eternal damnation or any similar idea. We are all fallable beings and no deed no matter how heinous requires continual unending penance.
I believe in reincarnation. I've been born before, and I will be born again. I just -know- that fact, and I can't say how or why I know it, I just -do- and I know it in my =soul=.
1. Who are you? Look at your life up until the point where you decided that the path was the right avenue for you to take. Study who you have been and who you are.
In my childhood, I was very in tune with myself. I was a happy child, who trusted others easily and happily. I had a below average amount of friends in my life--few enough I felt lonely, but enough that I didn't feel anti-social or alienated by society. I first discovered I was truly different when I began school. My classmates began what would become an eleven year crusade to make my life hell. I was an outcast from the first day of first grade--too polite, too smart, too small. I couldn't understand why they didn't like me, except perhaps that I was different. So I strived to make myself like them. And the greatest tragedy is that I think I succeeded. Everything I hated about them I see now reflected in myself. Overweight and lazy, cynical and narrow-minded, too in need of easy entertainment to even simply -read-...I want so much to return to how I was as a child, not in being childish but in the sheer what I was--I was studious, polite, kind, helpful, active, athletic, trusting...pretty much the antithesis of everything I am now. I can't nail down when or how it changed, just that it did. At fourteen I wasn't studious anymore, by sixteen I was lazy and overweight. At seventeen I was openly cynical and harsh. I don't know -when- the narrow-minded-ness set in, but looking back I see it almost everywhere. Twenty one and the year 2009 rang in with everything that was wrong about me. I know it wasn't meant that way, but in trying to be helpful a friend started listing off all the problems that are stopping a mutual friend and I from getting along, and all of them centred on what I do wrong and what I say wrong and what I believe wrong...I was so shocked by it all I didn't even cry. I just sat there dazedly, and when it all sunk in I went looking for a way to move forward. If myself is the problem, then maybe if I examine myself I'll find out what the problem with myself is, and if I can find what the problem with myself is, I can change it. But all this work changing one's self needs a bit of guidance, or it's wasted efforts. So I'm on this path.
2. What do you believe in? What are the core truths for you? What are negotiable beliefs? Study what your values are and why you hold them.
My faith, my family's faith, small as it is, is the one thing I confidently believe in. Unfortunately, it doesn't give a lot of support. I believe in reincarnation. I believe in taking the path of least harm, to self or others. I believe in fairness, but I believe that not a lot of other people believe in fairness. The last there is one of my negotiable beliefs--it makes me sad to think that so few people believe in fairness, but I have so much proof that no one does, it's become almost unshakeable just by the sheer number of knocks my belief in fairness has taken. People seem to take the "fact" that life's not fair to be an excuse to be unjust to one another. My morals and values are based on the path of least harm--there's so many grey areas in life, far too many to mete out a set of 'rules', even ones that seem like they should be obvious like "killing is wrong"--there's much too much debate on such topics. The path of least harm, however, I feel looks at the bigger picture and handles all those moral qualms with at least some semblance of respect and dignity. There's too many ways to poke holes in solid unyielding rules, but the path of least harm is breatheable. It usually meshes with the legal system of the real world, and anywhere that it doesn't would likely be a crusade of mine to -change- that I would be -willing- to do time for breaking. I can't think of any examples on that in particular, but if a law was in direct conflict against the path of least harm, I'd have to say that said law would be immoral in at least some way. As far as my values besides following the path of least harm...I value having friends, I value being confident within myself, and I value doing good. I like to help others--it makes me smile, makes me feel useful, makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing with my life. And I like helping in ways that don't involve money. I think money is the most useless form of help. I need money to run my own life, and if I'm making enough that I can give it away for charity, then I'm spending too much time at work--time that would be better spent doing something else, like talking to a friend in need or weeding an old lady's vegetable garden. She'd appreciate it more than a check anyway.
3. Who have been your guides? As you have journeyed through life, look back at the people who have influenced you most and think about why they have. Parents, teachers, friends, mentors, employers (heh).
I wish I didn't have to say this. I'm really -ashamed- that I've let these people influence my life. All the people I hated growing up, the people who upset me and hurt me...=they're= the people that made the most lasting impressions. Wiley, Patrick, Angelo, Suzanna, April, Emilie, Ellen, my third grade teacher, most of my sixth grade teachers...I remember their full names, but I won't post those for the internets to see. Everyone who had qualities I did NOT want to take into myself...are all the people that I've become the most like. My greatest 'achievement' was to systematically dissappoint everyone who believed in me. Wiley, Patrick, Angelo, Suzanna, the anger and hatred they had towards me as I grew up was probably the most poisonous, toxic, and -lasting- effect on me growing up. If they were going to hate me for no good reason, then I'd hate them for hating me. April, Emilie, Ellen, the two faced liars that backstabbed me and schemed to bring me down despite having a kind face to me if my back wasn't turned...I've become just like them; angelic and sweet as long as people are looking, but within the sanctity of my own mind or to the anonymity of the internet, I've been nothing but spite and hatred. My teachers in the years that stifled me the most, their narrow minded ideas of how the world was SUPPOSED to be, the idea that anything unusual was WRONG and BAD...I find myself repeating their words time and time again. In the face of undeniable fact and incontrovertable proof...It's not how it's SUPPOSED to be. All of them, their doubts of me, of who I am, of my inherent worth as a human being...I starve myself or vomit my food back up again because they never thought I was pretty, refuse to acknowledge my achievements because they never would, deny myself anything I find fun except for one or two things--which I overindulge in past the point of excess--because I was never 'good enough' to join in their fun. I feel so terribly emotastic for saying all this, but mostly I'm ashamed, that I've become everything I've ever hated, and I don't even know how to break it all down so I -can- start over. I remember their full names, first and last, their faces, their favourite phrases...but when I try to think of the people that have had a positive effect on me...a well and truly positive impact on me...all I can think of are fictional characters and the names of the authors that penned them.
4. How does who you are affect those around you? This is also a part of being empathic and mindful, but it is important to consider how you fit into the big picture. We are not islands after all.
I'm one big ball of spite and hurt, and I can be totally caustic to those not willing to look deeply beneath the surface and see the girl inside still reaching out for someone to help me. But if you look far enough to see that, then I'll burn you harder, because you're not =supposed= to help me, because I'm not good enough to deserve your help. All in all, it can be a real pain for everyone around me, both those close and those just in my vicinity. I've screamed at total strangers, penned long internet rants about those that upset me, usually just by existing. I twist the truth so far that even I can't remember what really happened and what was my embellishment. In short, I hurt everyone. Sure, I'm a great friend, I'm willing to listen to people's problems and give my advice as best I can, I'm a load of fun and full of ideas to do things besides just going to the pub and hoping that's good enough, but in the long run...I push everyone away, violently if nessicary. But usually a well-placed knife in the back is plenty good enough. And I don't even mean to. Except for the fact that I do. I am the betrayer of trust, the fair weather friend, the Judas... I don't want to be, but I don't know how to be anything else.
work on what it means to be you
1. Assess your strengths. What are you good at? What are you great at?
I am a mother-type. I don't particularly like children, mostly because I'm afraid of them, afraid of the responsibility of having a tiny little life actually -relying- on me. But I am the mother-type. I can cook and run a house (if I can keep the motivation to do it). I can sell just about anything with my voice, I can convince people to do =anything= if I work hard enough at it. I am creative to almost a fault, there's ideas for a million different things all in my head. I could start a thousand winning businesses, write a thousand best-sellers, if I could just =do= it...which leads me to...
2. Assess your weakness and not only admit you need work in some areas of life, but make changes.
I have zero drive for anything. Any project I start is abandoned within a few weeks at -best-. All my creative force gets eaten, each and every time, by total and complete apathy. I -want- to do things, but I can barely force myself to get up each morning, let alone clean my flat, and god forbid do anything truly worthwhile. I'm loud, opinionated, out of shape, and out of touch. Sometimes, I think my head's in the clouds more often than my feet are on the ground.
3. Study your interests in people, hobbies and general tastes.
I enjoy creative hobbies--writing, music, cooking from my ideas, and making things. I tend to surround myself with people who share those interests. My tastes can be somewhat dark...and the somewhat is rather understated. I prefer martial, military music, or things with gothic or choral influences. My taste in art is very dark as well. I've always been drawn to all things gothic, and not the "modern goth", but the gothic stonework, high arches, dark candlelit passages, and the "Gothic Lolita" movement.
As you look at these few things (and I could probably come up with other categories), see what trends you find about yourself. Learn where your skills and gifts lie as you grow.
I've also included the writing prompts that produced this enormous text-blob, so feel free to strip out my writing and use them for yourself if you'd like.
The writing prompts are taken from the boards at the Force Academy though, so I'm not claiming credit for those.
Also, I make clear my opinions on Christianity...I want to make it clear before anyone's feelings get hurt that it's my -opinion- on the religion. And not only is it just my opinion, it's my opinion on the religion itself, -not- the people who practice it. If anyone reading this practices a blend of Christianity with the Force...please do not get offended. I am not criticizing your path, just expressing that it is most definitely not the right path for ME.
Clearly define the Person You Want to Be
To quote directly from the essay, "Who exactly do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? What are your personal ideals? Whom do you admire? What are their special traits that you would make your own? It's time to stop being vague. If you wish to be an extraordinary person, if you wish to be wise, then you should explicitly identify the kind of person you aspire to become."
I've never really looked at anyone in particular and seriously said that I would want to be like them, or at least not a real person living in the real world. I suppose my one true hero is and has always been Frodo Baggins, the same as it has been since I first read the Lord of the Rings trilogy at aged approximately eight. He never tried to be anything more than he was, despite the drama forced upon him. He was a man who took his strength from his friends, without over-relying on them far enough to be co-dependent. He had time for fun, a big heart, and still he managed to do the things that life made nessicary for him to do. I suppose I've already taken some of that--I don't try to be the best at anything other than being the best -me-. But I've gotten derailed there because I'm not sure what that 'me' is, and you can't even be good at something unless you know what it is you're trying to do. I don't know how to strike that same balance that he struck--to handle the curveballs that life throws at me, to do what is necessary, and to still be myself. I find myself either too devoted to my job to have a life, too busy with my life to have a job, or some other mangled extreme.
I want to be the kind of person that can handle a personal crisis without sacrificing everything. I want to be able to help my friends with the things they ask for my help with, without being a puppet on a string jumping at their beck and call because they're afraid to live life on their own. I want to be the kind of person who can make friends that don't just take and take emotionally, to be the kind of person who isn't that kind of friend. I want to be the kind of person who has an herb garden on her kitchen windowsill, who cooks dinner from scratch almost every night because of the ecological and biological effects that processed and convenience food have on the environment. I want to be the kind of person who has a garden or an alotment, because it's the ethical thing to do with the kind of world we live in. I want to be a good wife for my partner, and I want to find out what that really means, because at the moment I'm honestly not sure, though making her happy is a big part of it. I don't want to have a large number of friends...I think gigantic entourages are stifling. But I want the friends I do have to be the kind of friends I can trust with my life. I want to be the kind of person that can trust, without being afraid of being hurt, without putting conditions on that trust. I want to be secure in myself, to stop having to put on masks to protect and shield myself, to stop filling my time with idle time-wasters because I am afraid of doing something worthwhile. I want to be the kind of person who can go to the pub, order a drink, and have some fun; without being terrified that spending my hard earned money on a pint makes me an alchoholic, that spending my time in such idle fun is somehow inherently wrong. I want to be the kind of person that can do something for fun and enjoy it, without being plagued by doubts and terrors that it's the wrong thing to do or somehow otherwise inherently BAD. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't hate children because they're noisy, and that's in direct conflict with the kind of person that I currently AM. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't get stressed, not for having planned for every eventuality, but because of faith and trust that everything will work out alright. I want to be the kind of person who can leap without looking and land on her feet just because of the strong belief that I will land on my feet eventually, no matter how many branches I hit on the way down. I want to be the kind of person who can see the clouds and get an umbrella -without- panicking about the coming rain. I want to feel safe and loved, without having to have people constantly reassure me of those facts. I'd like to say I'd like to be me, but I'm not me right now so I can't be myself. I want to FIND me so I can find out HOW.
Make a list of your non-negotiable beliefs. How did you find out what they were? Did you run into any questions or problems with this?
I believe that Christianity is wrong. I refuse to accept or acknowledge the supremacy of this vision of deity. I did make the attempt of believing the Christian way for nearly a year, but it's something I feel deeply in the core of my spirit is WRONG. The idea that it might be right terrifies me, but I am secure in the knowledge that it is -not-.
I believe that I have personal power, that my person is not so far preordained that I am a puppet. I have felt power, and I have felt power and refused to use it. I use my mind in ways that only I use my mind, and the only way for it to be preordained is if I have assisted in the pre-planning. But if I'd done that then I'd essentially have already lived and therefore I would no longer be me by virtue of experience. Not to mention the fact that if we all pre-lived to pre-plan our actions, what's the point? Was it a dress rehersal?
I believe that while I will indeed suffer for my misdeeds as appropriate for the action, I do not believe in eternal damnation or any similar idea. We are all fallable beings and no deed no matter how heinous requires continual unending penance.
I believe in reincarnation. I've been born before, and I will be born again. I just -know- that fact, and I can't say how or why I know it, I just -do- and I know it in my =soul=.
1. Who are you? Look at your life up until the point where you decided that the path was the right avenue for you to take. Study who you have been and who you are.
In my childhood, I was very in tune with myself. I was a happy child, who trusted others easily and happily. I had a below average amount of friends in my life--few enough I felt lonely, but enough that I didn't feel anti-social or alienated by society. I first discovered I was truly different when I began school. My classmates began what would become an eleven year crusade to make my life hell. I was an outcast from the first day of first grade--too polite, too smart, too small. I couldn't understand why they didn't like me, except perhaps that I was different. So I strived to make myself like them. And the greatest tragedy is that I think I succeeded. Everything I hated about them I see now reflected in myself. Overweight and lazy, cynical and narrow-minded, too in need of easy entertainment to even simply -read-...I want so much to return to how I was as a child, not in being childish but in the sheer what I was--I was studious, polite, kind, helpful, active, athletic, trusting...pretty much the antithesis of everything I am now. I can't nail down when or how it changed, just that it did. At fourteen I wasn't studious anymore, by sixteen I was lazy and overweight. At seventeen I was openly cynical and harsh. I don't know -when- the narrow-minded-ness set in, but looking back I see it almost everywhere. Twenty one and the year 2009 rang in with everything that was wrong about me. I know it wasn't meant that way, but in trying to be helpful a friend started listing off all the problems that are stopping a mutual friend and I from getting along, and all of them centred on what I do wrong and what I say wrong and what I believe wrong...I was so shocked by it all I didn't even cry. I just sat there dazedly, and when it all sunk in I went looking for a way to move forward. If myself is the problem, then maybe if I examine myself I'll find out what the problem with myself is, and if I can find what the problem with myself is, I can change it. But all this work changing one's self needs a bit of guidance, or it's wasted efforts. So I'm on this path.
2. What do you believe in? What are the core truths for you? What are negotiable beliefs? Study what your values are and why you hold them.
My faith, my family's faith, small as it is, is the one thing I confidently believe in. Unfortunately, it doesn't give a lot of support. I believe in reincarnation. I believe in taking the path of least harm, to self or others. I believe in fairness, but I believe that not a lot of other people believe in fairness. The last there is one of my negotiable beliefs--it makes me sad to think that so few people believe in fairness, but I have so much proof that no one does, it's become almost unshakeable just by the sheer number of knocks my belief in fairness has taken. People seem to take the "fact" that life's not fair to be an excuse to be unjust to one another. My morals and values are based on the path of least harm--there's so many grey areas in life, far too many to mete out a set of 'rules', even ones that seem like they should be obvious like "killing is wrong"--there's much too much debate on such topics. The path of least harm, however, I feel looks at the bigger picture and handles all those moral qualms with at least some semblance of respect and dignity. There's too many ways to poke holes in solid unyielding rules, but the path of least harm is breatheable. It usually meshes with the legal system of the real world, and anywhere that it doesn't would likely be a crusade of mine to -change- that I would be -willing- to do time for breaking. I can't think of any examples on that in particular, but if a law was in direct conflict against the path of least harm, I'd have to say that said law would be immoral in at least some way. As far as my values besides following the path of least harm...I value having friends, I value being confident within myself, and I value doing good. I like to help others--it makes me smile, makes me feel useful, makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing with my life. And I like helping in ways that don't involve money. I think money is the most useless form of help. I need money to run my own life, and if I'm making enough that I can give it away for charity, then I'm spending too much time at work--time that would be better spent doing something else, like talking to a friend in need or weeding an old lady's vegetable garden. She'd appreciate it more than a check anyway.
3. Who have been your guides? As you have journeyed through life, look back at the people who have influenced you most and think about why they have. Parents, teachers, friends, mentors, employers (heh).
I wish I didn't have to say this. I'm really -ashamed- that I've let these people influence my life. All the people I hated growing up, the people who upset me and hurt me...=they're= the people that made the most lasting impressions. Wiley, Patrick, Angelo, Suzanna, April, Emilie, Ellen, my third grade teacher, most of my sixth grade teachers...I remember their full names, but I won't post those for the internets to see. Everyone who had qualities I did NOT want to take into myself...are all the people that I've become the most like. My greatest 'achievement' was to systematically dissappoint everyone who believed in me. Wiley, Patrick, Angelo, Suzanna, the anger and hatred they had towards me as I grew up was probably the most poisonous, toxic, and -lasting- effect on me growing up. If they were going to hate me for no good reason, then I'd hate them for hating me. April, Emilie, Ellen, the two faced liars that backstabbed me and schemed to bring me down despite having a kind face to me if my back wasn't turned...I've become just like them; angelic and sweet as long as people are looking, but within the sanctity of my own mind or to the anonymity of the internet, I've been nothing but spite and hatred. My teachers in the years that stifled me the most, their narrow minded ideas of how the world was SUPPOSED to be, the idea that anything unusual was WRONG and BAD...I find myself repeating their words time and time again. In the face of undeniable fact and incontrovertable proof...It's not how it's SUPPOSED to be. All of them, their doubts of me, of who I am, of my inherent worth as a human being...I starve myself or vomit my food back up again because they never thought I was pretty, refuse to acknowledge my achievements because they never would, deny myself anything I find fun except for one or two things--which I overindulge in past the point of excess--because I was never 'good enough' to join in their fun. I feel so terribly emotastic for saying all this, but mostly I'm ashamed, that I've become everything I've ever hated, and I don't even know how to break it all down so I -can- start over. I remember their full names, first and last, their faces, their favourite phrases...but when I try to think of the people that have had a positive effect on me...a well and truly positive impact on me...all I can think of are fictional characters and the names of the authors that penned them.
4. How does who you are affect those around you? This is also a part of being empathic and mindful, but it is important to consider how you fit into the big picture. We are not islands after all.
I'm one big ball of spite and hurt, and I can be totally caustic to those not willing to look deeply beneath the surface and see the girl inside still reaching out for someone to help me. But if you look far enough to see that, then I'll burn you harder, because you're not =supposed= to help me, because I'm not good enough to deserve your help. All in all, it can be a real pain for everyone around me, both those close and those just in my vicinity. I've screamed at total strangers, penned long internet rants about those that upset me, usually just by existing. I twist the truth so far that even I can't remember what really happened and what was my embellishment. In short, I hurt everyone. Sure, I'm a great friend, I'm willing to listen to people's problems and give my advice as best I can, I'm a load of fun and full of ideas to do things besides just going to the pub and hoping that's good enough, but in the long run...I push everyone away, violently if nessicary. But usually a well-placed knife in the back is plenty good enough. And I don't even mean to. Except for the fact that I do. I am the betrayer of trust, the fair weather friend, the Judas... I don't want to be, but I don't know how to be anything else.
work on what it means to be you
1. Assess your strengths. What are you good at? What are you great at?
I am a mother-type. I don't particularly like children, mostly because I'm afraid of them, afraid of the responsibility of having a tiny little life actually -relying- on me. But I am the mother-type. I can cook and run a house (if I can keep the motivation to do it). I can sell just about anything with my voice, I can convince people to do =anything= if I work hard enough at it. I am creative to almost a fault, there's ideas for a million different things all in my head. I could start a thousand winning businesses, write a thousand best-sellers, if I could just =do= it...which leads me to...
2. Assess your weakness and not only admit you need work in some areas of life, but make changes.
I have zero drive for anything. Any project I start is abandoned within a few weeks at -best-. All my creative force gets eaten, each and every time, by total and complete apathy. I -want- to do things, but I can barely force myself to get up each morning, let alone clean my flat, and god forbid do anything truly worthwhile. I'm loud, opinionated, out of shape, and out of touch. Sometimes, I think my head's in the clouds more often than my feet are on the ground.
3. Study your interests in people, hobbies and general tastes.
I enjoy creative hobbies--writing, music, cooking from my ideas, and making things. I tend to surround myself with people who share those interests. My tastes can be somewhat dark...and the somewhat is rather understated. I prefer martial, military music, or things with gothic or choral influences. My taste in art is very dark as well. I've always been drawn to all things gothic, and not the "modern goth", but the gothic stonework, high arches, dark candlelit passages, and the "Gothic Lolita" movement.
As you look at these few things (and I could probably come up with other categories), see what trends you find about yourself. Learn where your skills and gifts lie as you grow.
I could cry.